Somewhere between becoming a mother, surviving postpartum and rebuilding myself again… I became more confident than I’ve ever been in my life.
They weren’t lying when they said motherhood can make you lose yourself. There is something so jolting and life altering about being in survival mode postpartum. Having tunnel vision for everyone and everything except yourself. Waking up every day just trying to make it through. Looking in the mirror and not recognizing the person staring back at you anymore. Feeling disconnected from your body, your appearance, your softness… even your individuality. It’s almost like you slowly accept feeling undesirable because you’re too exhausted to even question it.
For a long time, I poured so much into being a good mom that I completely stopped pouring into myself. I stopped being intentional. Intentional about how I looked, how I felt, how I carried myself and how I showed up for me. Survival mode will make you believe your only role is to function. To give. To nurture. To sacrifice. But somewhere along the way, I realized I missed myself.
Ironically, somewhere between losing myself postpartum and finding myself again… I became way more secure in who I am.
Being put in a role where you have to be someone’s voice changes you. Having to make hard decisions that may feel uncomfortable or decisions other people around you may not agree with, all while trying to protect and cultivate the safe, loving environment your child deserves… it forces you to trust yourself more. It forces you to grow. Motherhood strengthened my relationship with God deeply because there were so many moments where I genuinely needed guidance, discernment and strength outside of myself. But it also strengthened the relationship I have with myself.
A lot of that confidence came from becoming intentional with myself again. Intentional about getting dressed even when I didn’t feel like it. Intentional about taking care of my body. Intentional about slowing down enough to reconnect with the parts of myself I neglected for so long. I started realizing how much effort I had stopped putting into me while trying to survive motherhood and life at the same time.
Now, even the smallest things feel meaningful. Taking my time getting dressed in the morning. Putting together outfits that make me feel put together instead of just comfortable. Staying consistent in the gym because it makes me feel strong mentally, not just physically. Prioritizing skincare. Wearing perfume just because. Romanticizing little parts of my life again. Those intentional choices slowly brought me back to myself.
Confidence feels way less tied to validation now. The older I get, the more I realize sexy is really just being secure in yourself and carrying yourself like you know it.
Turns out motherhood didn’t erase me or my femininity. It just changed the way I see myself.
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